Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
