first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
