YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
