5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize