flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
