so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
