Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
