come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
