I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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