My room smells like vodka and shame
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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