i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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