do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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