I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize