saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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