i may or may not be watching the land before time
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
