I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
