Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
