omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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