If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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