Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
