Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
