Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
