she woke up with a sticky ear
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
