Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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