There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
