I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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