wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
