my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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