Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
