Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
