all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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