Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
