So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you win again, gameday.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The adults are the big ones right?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
