How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
