after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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