i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
