I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
