so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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