Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize