Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
