Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
