My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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