his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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