Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I cockslap morals
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
