dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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