He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've blown a few things in my day
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize