Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
