On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
