Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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