Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
