I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
