I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
one two three fourrrrnication!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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