So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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