remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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