why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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