hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
