Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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