if i can run in heels then i can drive
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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