Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
