part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
