K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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