you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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