Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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