Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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