Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
