you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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