were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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