There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
