So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
