I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize